I started wearing the
hijab a month ago, which means I am a newbie hijabi (yeaaah).
To start from the beginning , I wanted to wear it since I was sixteen
years old, ie four years ago. At that time, my family was worried
about my choice, because it is a bit (quite) difficult to find
a job when you wear a hijab and living in a society were religion and
islam are set aside and stigmatize, you find racist people.
At that age I wasn't as
independent and confident as I am today, and I have to say that, at
that moment I wasn't ready for it.
From these days until now
on, my desire to wear the hijab didn't fade away with time. So I was
used (and I still) to watch
hijabi youtubers and to read hijabi bloggers. I admired their
courage. Even if living in a western society posed some problems, it
was worth a shot.
I
just thought that the image these heroes of the Internet gave, were
completely different from the images that the media give us. These
girls were real and didn't wanna change their identity for the
society, and weren't afraid to show who they really are.
Who
I am? and Who I want to be? Were questions I often asked to myself. I
was trying to figure out who I am like every teenager at that age.
I
wanted to feel free to wear whatever I wanted to and to be me without
self-censorship, like these youtubers and bloggers.
My
religion has an important part in my life and with time my faith kept
increasing, as I was learning more about my religion. I understood
that it was about modesty. It also help you to put your whole trust
and faith in one God, Allah who is fair, unlike people.
I
had enough thinking about what people may say or think of me. I cared
too much about what they're gonna think of me, and not enough about
what the One who created me is going to think.
When
I thought about it I was kinda sad, and I prayed that I will have the
chance to wear it before I die. I was sure I wanted to wear it, but I
just needed a little bit of courage or a little bit of wisdom.
Here
comes the funny part of the story (well I think it's funny
but in retrospect...)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
That's it for this post guys, I'm gonna sleep (soo tired). I will post the second and last part soon. So if you can relate to anything from that post let me know, and I will enjoy reading it.
Here's a little hint for the second part: I watched a korean drama, and it helped me take my final decision.
